The Duty
by Hellen Lou
Summary: Daniel believed in duty... Daniel believed in love... what happens when he has to choose one over the other.


The Duty

I wrote this ages ago... so there's no writer block her as there is with my other stories.. sorry about that.

Oh summary... Daniel has always believed in duty... but love has a way to stand in the way.

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_"I slept and dreamed that life was beauty I woke- and found that life was duty"_

_-Ellen Sturgis Hooper_

Dan-Yel, she had called me once, when she saw a sand storm. I rushed to her side, I held her until the storm was over then we made love, all the gritty sand between our hot bodies, that had been different, it had been nice, it had also been the last time we slept tougher, or made love, because the next day SGC sent people through the gate and that's when Apophis hit, he took her from me, and forced me to see what he did to her, that's when I vowed I would get her back and kill Apophis. I don't remember how many times we thought we killed Apophis, but the last time, well we clinched it. But I lost her, Teal'c my friend, killed my wife, the woman I cared about.

Of course there were others, but nothing meant the same to me like she did, but that night, when I hit rock bottom, and little further than that, she came. Major Carter, Sam, she stumbled across, well she found me singing my heart out to Elton John's 'Can you feel the love tonight' well the best I could, seeing as I didn't know the words. She sat with me, she even took the drink away from me, and she warned me that I would have to go see Doc Frasier. Who I had a crush on once, she even held me until I fell asleep, next I knew I was in bed and she was laying fully clothed on the bed sheet next to me, she had her hand in my hair but had fallen asleep during the night. I had to think of her in a different light after that.

She would give my shoulder squeezes when she walked by and she would come to my room during the night she couldn't sleep and asked if she could sit with me while I worked on translating rocks as Jack called the artefacts. I loved her for that, but not liked I loved Sha're. Well yet any way. The weeks went by and I really began to forgive Teal'c. we started talking during the night, going over old stories from his childhood. And of course me, the best linguist in the world told him about my childhood. I think I told him I like to drink moose milk. I don't remember when it happen but Jack was off celebrating the anniversary of our first stargate mission against RA. I stayed behind, I had one of my famous headaches Sam also stayed behind, she said that she was never really went on that mission, so she didn't need to get drunk, plus she had work, I knew she was lying, so did Jack, because he got a jealous look when Sam looked at me, but I wasn't really looking because I was already on my way out, I had a bottle with my name on it and more where that came from, and I was planning to make a night off it. I locked the doors and made everyone knew I was not to be disbursed. And people knew that. The first shot burned my throat as I stared at the picture I drew of Sha're, once, I really couldn't remember when. The tears stung my eyes and cheeks with the second shot.

Some one rapped on the door, I knew it was her because she had that look all day, she knew what I was going to do tonight. I tried to ignore her, maybe if I drink enough and image Sha're enough she would go away, but she didn't, she knocked, for an hour. At one point I found myself sitting against the door. I knew she was sitting against the door. I couldn't take it no more, it must of be the memories flooding back that I open the door and Sam jumped up and looked at me, she smile at my red puffy eyes behind my glasses, she did the only thing she could do, she walked in and I had to stepped back and she closed the door still looking at me then wrapped her arms around me and held on tightly as thou I would change my mind and tell her to leave, but I didn't, I didn't want to let her go either, so for five minutes she held me, I loved her more for that and then something changed, I knew by the morning I would of fallen for her, and it hurt, because, she was a friend, and the only reason she was holding me gently stroking the hairs on the back of my neck was because of this, and I knew Jack was the one she really cared about, and I was her friend, I tried to remind my self of that, but it didn't work, so I let go of her and decided that I would have to hurt before I risk starting something and losing everything, I wasn't going to hurt her while I wasn't drunk, I was going to do while I'm drunk. So I grabbed the bottle and took a swig of the stuff, it burned my mouth and my nose, I looked at Sam, who just stared at me and I held the bottle out, no point her having to take the pain point blank, she could be a little drunk.

"want some?" I asked my voice croaky and husky, god I sound horrible "no thanks, and I don't think you should have any more" Sam stated as I smiled, my chance to hurt her "Sam your not my mother, nor are you're my girlfriend or my wife so stop being a pain in the nicktar" I stated, I held back my emotion when I saw the hurt spread across Sam's face but she bit her lower lip before she took her usual seat on my bed, dam it, I should of knew that she wasn't going to leave that easy, so I had to try harder "why are you here" I asked as I took another swig from the bottle, the person I had in mind was Jack, I just act like him then get rid of her, now she was staring at me, with big blue eyes, god, Sha're only had brown eyes, they were big but not as pretty as Sam's, what am I doing, trying to hurt her here, shit what would Jack do to me "Dan-yel" I looked up, that sounded like Sha're "what" I asked as coldly as I could but her affection melted everything I told myself away "come on and sit down, we need to talk" Sam told me but I walked over to the small desk I had and sat on the chair "I've got work Sam, you shouldn't be here" I told her before she looked down, not moving and no intention of moving. That one night I needed to be strong, maybe I wouldn't ended up where I am right now, but I wasn't strong for very long, she did that to me and I loved her for it.

I mentally slapped myself, no more loving her. This was not working "Daniel, if your going to be working, wouldn't it be easier to work with out drink" she asked, I looked away "Sam, please take this away you want but" shit Jack was going to hurt me but I have to this "but go away, I don't want you here, I want to drink my self to sleep and I'll be fine in the morning" I snapped and it hit home, Sam just stared at me, the beginning of tears formed in her eyes and she sprung for her seat and grabbed the door and yanked it open, and rushed out, I stared at the floor no spot that was of an importance, just a spot, I think I cursed once more before I smashed the bottle against the wall and followed Sam. I knew I would fall for her before the night was through. It took me an hour to find her, by then the drink had worn off and the guilt had worn in. I had to find her now. I didn't know what I was going to do when I found her, but it had to happen before things get into morning light. Then I found her, the bottom level of the base, away where no one could find her, the place I went to a lot. VIP rooms, the mood I was in and the way I started feeling towards Sam I didn't think it was such a good idea to go in, but I had to try, I tried the door but she had locked it, then I knocked and knocked for an hour, I was against the door when she opened the door and I jumped to my feet. I spurn round and saw that she had been crying, my heart bleed, because I did that to her, I just stood there staring before I took a small step forward and looked at her, silently asking if it was ok, tears rolled down her cheeks and I stepped into the room and grabbed her.

I knew that nobody came down here, so I left the door open, we just stood their rocking back and forth for five maybe ten minutes, from time to time I would kiss her head and then lean my chin on her head, she just breaths against my chest holding me by the waist while my arms around wrapped around her shoulders, stroking her back. Why of all days did I have to start relishing how precious this woman meant to me, she wasn't just my friend, but the woman I loved. I had loved her for sometime but I was always sure that Jack would comfort her first, I was just there if Jack wasn't. for the next hour we laid on the bed holding each other, like lovers, yet we were not lovers, we didn't talk at all, I just kissed the top of her head now and then and tighten my grip on her once and a while to might sure she knew I was there for her "Daniel" she said at one point I was startled that the silence was broken "yeah" I asked as Sam sighed "why do you do this, why do push people away" Sam asked as I stared at the wall "I don't" I answered sternly "Kira" was said and my body stiffen "you find women you can't possible have any life with and when we give you advice you push us away" Sam stated, she was right of course, but like I was going to say she was right "I don't know" I stated as Sam shook her head "it's because of Sha're you think she's coming back" Sam stated as it hit home, I started to cry and Sam held me, I shocked myself, I never cried for Sha're, I cried for me, and the lost I felt but I never cried for Sha're. And the first thought that came into my mind after that was that it was Sam here with me and I love her, I'm in love with her. Dam it all to hell. By then I was sitting up as well as Sam and she had my head on her shoulder, I was really sobbing, all she did was stroke my hair and rocked with me, I'm in love with her and she loves someone else. But why does she come to me at night, why does she stare at me when I'm working at night , why did she cuddle up to me when she comes to me at night, why does she comfort me and not Jack. He needed just as much comfort as me. I looked up at this thought and straight into her eyes, lovely dark, deep and blue "why me" I asked as Sam smiled and closed her eyes and shrugged, like she read my mind "does there have to be one" She asked as she looked at me "I don't know, maybe, maybe not" I said before Sam kissed me gently, she pulled back and searched my eyes "maybe tonight is just tonight, then maybe it's not" she said before she kissed me again this time pushing me back to our laying position. It wasn't like the time with the sand storm, but our bodies were hot against each other and it was nice, and different. But I prayed to god that tomorrow wouldn't snatch her away from me.

The morning came and I relished that I stayed a wake all night, just thinking of the woman wrapped in my arms, it didn't matter what I did next because I thought that it was a one off like she said maybe tonight is just tonight. We didn't have a mission the next day so, I slipped out, not worrying if Sam slept in, she dissevered it. I went about my jobs, locked away, I really had work to do, but it was also an excuse for me to lock away from the world, which was one place I would not like to be right at that moment in time. There was a knock on the door, I rubbed my head, should I shouldn't I, I thought before the knocking got louder then there was a groaning sound, Jack "what you want Jack" I shouted there was another groaning sound before I stood up and strolled over to the door and unlocked it and open it to see Jack "come in" I said and he hurried in and sat on one of the stools "see Sam any where" Jack asked as I stiffened then turned looked at him "nope, why" I asked as Jack shrugged "I just have to say sorry, she'll know why" Jack stated as I nodded and Jack peered at me "I stopped by your room before, it smelt alcohol in there, there's smash glass over the floor" Jack stated as I smiled at him "slipped, and threw a bottle against the wall, that's all" I stated before I went back to my work "Daniel, tell me the truth" Jack said as I looked at him "what" I asked as he stood "what's happening to SG-1, with you, nothing's been the same since Sha're's death, SG-1 is fallen apart" Jack said as I looked passed him then at him "Jack you want to know what I went through that thing out there, it wasn't because of the things I could find, or what the stargate meant, I went through it because I wanted her back, or I wanted to be dead, either way my whole reason was her, then it changed before Sha're's death, something changed with all of us, and when Sha're died that's it, I couldn't do it any more. We're all going through because we want something. You go through it to find your son, you go through it to find another Charlie or Skarra. Teal'c wants his people free and he tries to find a way to kill them all. All the Goul'al, He also is looking for his family. Sam" I stopped at that name "Sam looking for answers" I stated as Jack looked at me, an expression I've never seen on him before, like he understood but didn't want to "I've got work, Jack. Maybe you should talk to the rest of SG-1, I'm not the only with problems" I stated before I looked at my work and Jack walked out. He was right something was happening to the team and nobody truly knows what was happening.

That night I went a bed early, I showered and got to a fresh bed. I was just drifting off when the door open, there was a silhouette of someone, and I didn't have my glasses on, it seems when anyone is creping up on me, I don't have glasses, the door shut and the person moved over to the bed, they climbed in the empty space next to me and I knew who it was. God she smelt good, she showered and her hair smelt of soap, she snuggled against me, and it felt good. I just held her, I wanted just to hold her. Then her warm lips were against my neck, I had to turn my head and I met her lips with mine, they tasted like hot chocolate "Sam" I murmured but she put a finger to my lips, I felt the tears on her face "not tonight, tonight is just tonight" she stated as I nodded then she removed her finger and I kissed her again.

After that tonight is just tonight, became this week is just this week, then months. She's in my arms right now, laying there, in my shirt, smelling of soap. Now she doesn't even say those words anymore, she just kisses me and I comfort her. She woke again, she seems to know when I'm awake and when I'm not "Daniel, are you ok" she asked as I nodded "just thinking" I stated as she nodded then kissed me "I can stop that thinking" she said as I smiled at her, she did know how and was going to do it. That was different and nice, there was no sand but I stop caring, our bodies were hot and she was there.

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I was called to the briefing room. I slipped out from Sam's arms, even thou I didn't want to, but I was being called. I wasn't ready for what I saw, my father-in-law and next to him, my long thought dead wife, Sha're, General Hammond looked at me, he knew what I was thinking, here in front of me was my wife, the reason I went through that stargate and back in my room my new life, the woman I wanted to be with, have been with for the past months "Dan-yel" Sha're said as she rose and rushed to hug me, she wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly, my good father smiled at me. What was I meant to do, I hugged Sha're then looked at her father "good father, you have not told me that my wife Sha're was alive" I asked before Sha're let go, obviously noticing my voice was strained but she carried on showing affection "the demon is no longer in my Dan-yel, I am free, feel" she said before she grabbed my hand and pressed it against her flat stomach, I tried my best to smile but I pulled my hand back "that is good Sha're" Daniel said before Sha're placed a hand against my cheek, she smiled at me and I tried my best again "let doctor Frasier check Sha're out, then they can rest in the VIP rooms" General Hammond stated as I nodded "very well" I stated before I took Sha're's hand and nodded to her father, he stood and followed us.

I just stood there while they checked her out. I did care for her, but not as passionately as before. I was in love with Sam, Sam, she was still asleep in my room. I wanted to break down, I had a duty to Sha're- duty- I almost laughed at that, I finally realized why I was going through the stargate. I had a duty to find Sha're, not love, but duty. I thought back to what I was thinking before, making love with Sam. It was different and nice. There was no sand but our bodies were hot against each other, the next thing, well she isn't being taken away from me, but this might stop what I want with her, I always vowed that when I got Sha're back I was going to go back with her, quit SGC and live with my wife. But she felt more like a stranger, a woman who I once knew but that was about it. "Dan-yel" Sha're called before I walked over to her and Janet looked at me, she had that look in her eyes, general Hammond did, it was sadness and one she knew was going to last me a long time "Dan-yel, I' am scared" she said as she held my hand "I know, I know, I'm here" I said, slowly all feelings of love towards this woman leaving me and duty taking it's place "good son what troubles you" my father asked as I looked at him "nothing good father" I lied, I so much wanted to tell him I no longer loved his daughter, I no longer wanted to be married to her. "She should get some sleep" Janet ordered as I nodded, I helped Sha're from her bed and walked towards the door, my good father followed. "But Dan-yel, may I not rest with you, I' am so scared" Sha're stated as I nodded "I know, but Sha're you need to stay here, I must work" I said as Sha're nodded "very well my husband" Sha're stated as she kissed me on the cheek, then turned and walked into the room and shut the door, I stood there for a few minutes before I turned and walked back to my room. Sam was already up when I walked in "where have you been" she asked, she was wearing my shirt, her legs were so good, I looked at her then closed my eyes before I fell to the floor "Sha're came through the stargate, she's well again, and the Goa'uld has gone" I told her, I almost cried when she sat on the bed, she looked at her hands "do you still love her" Sam asked as sighed looked at the wall "it's a duty now" I stated before I laughed but it quickly turned to a sob, I started to cry and I buried my head in my arms, I felt Sam slid against me, I turned and she took me in her arms and held me why I cried. When I stopped I looked up, her expression hadn't changed "am I a duty" Sam asked as I looked at her "no" I said in a whisper, my eyes threaten to well up, I closed my eyes tightly "your love" I stated as I looked at her and she cried "but she's your duty" Sam said as I nodded then she held me again and I held her while we cried. She kissed me, she tasted salty "I love you" she whispered before I held on to her for dear life, I knew I didn't want to let her go, I knew I couldn't but I had to, I had a duty to do. I made my choice right then and there. Thou it didn't make it any easier when I stood in front of the stargate, saying good bye to earth, to SGC, SG-1, to Sam.

I love her, she was never a duty, but now looking at Sha're I see that my life is always dedicated to duty. After Sha're was taken my duty was to find her, now my duty is to be the good husband she has fought for, and hanged on for. Sam was love. She was something else, but like I said my life is always dedicated to duty, I looked up and saw my love, she was staring at me, she was holding the tears back, just like I was "good luck Doctor Jackson" General Hammond stated before I nodded then I turned and walked with my good father and my duty towards the event horizon. Sha're and my good father walked through and disappeared. I stopped and looked at SG-1 one last time. At my love for one last time, before I turned and walked through the stargate.

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Three years, I kept my promise to my duty. But Sha're died, an illness had taken her from me once more. I said goodbye to my good father and stepped back through the stargate. SG-1 was waiting for me, Teal'c, now covered in scars. Jack looking older then his usual self, and of course my love, Sam, she smiled at me unsure that the stargate behind me was not all ready sending my Sha're through, when it closed her smile grew bigger, I walked down the ramp and smiled at my friends, my lover and my team mates "Danny boy" Jack said before he grabbed him a bear hug, even Teal'c in his way smiled at me, Jack let go and I shook Teal'c's hand, but that wasn't enough so I grabbed him into a bear hug and he allowed for a time. That only left Sam, I smiled at her before she grabbed me and huffed "hello old friend" she whispered before I smiled, I was home, no more duty, it hurt me to say that, but the truth is, that the reason SG-1 never seemed the same after Sha're was killed, well, her Goa'uld was killed, was because I didn't have a duty anymore. I did love Sha're but it became my duty after a while.

Sam would come to my room to sit with me. She came to my room to lay down with me, she couldn't sleep. She would laugh and talk with me. I was her friend again, and I fell in love with her again. Then tonight is just tonight became this week is just this week then months. She never called me Dan-yel when she saw a sand storm, I never held her through it, and we never made love with gritty sand between us. But our bodies were hot against each other and she never did become my duty, only my love.

The end

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This probably sucks just as much as I think it does... but huh I don't care I still love it. Review, flame or just question what the hell I'm on. 


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